To Be There, Reflections on Valentines Day

Well, here we are at Valentines Day once again. As I ponder this strange little holiday we share it comes to mind that we often miss the point in the area of love and romance. I certainly appreciate any opportunity to celebrate with and about the special people who share our lives with us. We celebrate monthaverseries, for heaven’s sake. However, a night of flowers and candy is hardly to be considered love in the big picture. True love is wrapped up with longevity and relationship. We’ve grown so accustomed to the Hollywood version of being “madly in love” one minute and then suddenly no longer in love. For the record, that is not love. That is lust, or infatuation at best. If you can truly call something love it must stand the test of time. I had occasion in the midst of some errands last night to visit some important venues from the annals of my own love life which brought this point home to me. First I drove by the bench where my wife and I first kissed some 26 years ago. Then I wandered through the courtyard of the church where we were married and down past the swings on the beach where we seemed to end up at the close of many a date. Those simple, yet special, places represent important chapters in the history of our life together. We recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and that was another important milestone. In my opinion that kind of history is how we can measure the depth of love. In much the same way real love also has a future as well. Along with shared memories come shared hopes and dreams and plans which constitute a defined romantic trajectory. In the end, love is really just two people who are mutually attracted and committed and traveling through life … together. Far too often when I hear people say, “I love you” it seems like what they really mean is, “lie down, I think I love you.” Clearly folks have a tendency to squander those precious words far too hastily. Love means being there through the good and the bad and the happy and sad and whatever life brings us.

By all means, buy flowers and cards and candy. Go out to dinner and take a long walk under the stars. However, I feel with all my heart that we should find a way to live like that all year long. The real wonder of love, after all, isn’t found on the inside of a greeting card. On the contrary it lies in sharing the big blank page of life and writing our stories upon it together. May you have a happy Valentines Day, but let it be the launching point for the deeper kind of love which goes the distance. I close today by offering a poem I wrote for my own Valentine some years ago. The sentiments still hold true … as does my heart.

To Be There
Just to be there is all that I ask for
When the sun dips its head in the west
When the sapphire day is smiling
That is my only request
To be there when you laugh for no reason
Or you stare at the stars in the sky
All that I ask is to be there
To see the light that shines in your eye
To be there when you listen to music
Or you wander outside in the rain
I simply want to share these things
Just to be there again and again
All that I ask is to be there
When the storms of life darken your way
To offer a shoulder for you to cry on
Hold your trembling hand when you pray
All that I ask is to be there
Just to share in what life has to give
Just to be there and to be together
For to be there with you is to live
By Frank Carpenter ©

God Be With You

Allow me, if you will, to wax somewhat parental. I came across today’s poem recently, which I wrote in church the first Sunday after we dropped our youngest off at college for her freshman year. Now, in her third year, she’s off to study for a semester abroad in Europe and I find that these same sentiments still hold true. All the more so as our oldest is now married and has settled out of state … which is fine. As parents, we do the best we can for the time allotted and then we have to nudge them out of the nest so they can soar on their own. That is a difficult time for many parents. Yet, after all, our job isn’t to raise kids to be kids, but to be adults. So by definition they ought to leave that nest, get out of Dodge, and learn to live on their own. That’s the goal. We’ve been blessed with great kids who have earned our trust and their own freedom, thereby making the whole process much less painless because we don’t have quite so much to worry about. Our personal philosophy has always been that our children were just on loan from God anyway, making the parenting process more an issue of stewardship. So, now that they’re grown we turn them over to God and trust that He will watch over them when we are unable to. This approach gives us a great deal of peace about the situation. Maybe you’re not in our particular stage of life. However, most of us have relationships that span across some distance and sometimes we just have to trust that God is watching over our loved ones; whether they are climbing stairs or mountains, driving golf carts or stock cars, drinking water or whisky, teaching or learning. Whatever their varied situations, they are beyond our control and often beyond our assistance as well. We think of them fondly, we write and call, we pray for them. Yet, when those whom we care about are far away we must trust them to the tender care of the One who is ever with them. That’s when a few simple words bring a world of peace and comfort … may God be with you.

God Be With You
As I sat in church this morning
Without you by our side
I must admit, I’m a little sad
But also filled with pride
I’m excited for your brand new life
Though it is far from me
Because it’s the life God chose for you
Filled with opportunity
So though you are not with us
In our old familiar pew
I know wherever you may be
God will still be there with you
By Frank Carpenter ©