The Gift

Back on November 15th I posted an entry entitled Tokens of Affection, which related to young people and how important it is for them to remain frugal with their physical affections in relationships. I had a very warm response on that issue from my fellow parents so it seemed appropriate to expand on the theme. The next step, of course, is a forthright discussion on abstinence, upon which I will here endeavor to embark. My primary text on this subject is an additional poem entitled The Gift, which explores the value of saving the gift of sexual purity for a certain and final marital partner, and how difficult that journey can be. As a necessary disclaimer, even though I often write to and/or for my own grown children, I wrote this particular poem over twelve years ago so it must be noted that neither of my offspring had even entered junior high at the time.

That being said, let us begin at the beginning. Modern society clearly fails to embrace the value of abstinence. Our books, magazines, television, movies, in fact every mainstream media, promotes extra-marital sex … not only in content, but also through advertising. Thus, young people begin getting brainwashed at a very young age so that most have become desensitized to the subject by the time it turns out to be most relevant to them. The world says, “go ahead, experiment, enjoy yourself.” After all, what other message are young people hearing? Unless they are involved in a strong church youth group or have parents who are conservative, forthright and courageous in their communication, they may not receive a viable alternative argument for abstinence. Indeed, rare is the school or district willing to teach abstinence as the best alternative. Yet, when we consider the possible consequences of unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, not to mention the emotional trauma of these very real problems, how is a young person to responsibly weigh the cost and benefits of such decisions. Society’s answer is to provide condoms and abortions, both of which treat only the symptoms of the problem … and not always effectively. At the root of this debate lie deeper questions which must be asked, and answered.

When making value judgments about such sensitive issues as sex versus abstinence, society generally fails to address two very important questions: “Is it right?” and “Is it best?” The world doesn’t like those kinds of questions asked because they already know the answers. When you ask if something is right or wrong, it implies that there are certain moral absolutes which should govern human activity. First of all, there are. Second of all, I believe with all my heart that those moral absolutes are based upon biblical principles. I don’t here intend to thump my bible and quote countless verses on the subject, even though they exist, but I would be happy to engage anyone individually on this subject. The bottom line is that many folks are uncomfortable with moral absolutes, with right and wrong, because they imply sin and judgment. My eloquent response to that concept is simply “duh!” It’s easy to find people who will concede that premarital sex is ok or acceptable, but you’re hard-pressed to find those who will actually swear that it’s “right.” That’s because, in our heart of hearts, we know otherwise … we know better. Regardless of the fact that it happens, and with shocking frequency, it is still essentially wrong. I know it, and so do you.

Which brings us to the second big question: “Is it best?” Don’t think about if it is “good” or “OK” or “acceptable.” Rather, is it really best? Again, I believe God has a plan for us. He designed us to be paired up as one man and one woman for life. That’s supposed to be called marriage and when God created man He had just that complimentary relationship in mind. To choose otherwise generally involves some sort of compromise on that design. It’s easy to make sweeping statements about narrow-mindedness, constitutional rights and personal freedom, yet freedom without some sort of guiding ethical standards is an empty freedom indeed. Again, however, there are moral absolutes involved. When writing on the subject the Apostle Paul wrote, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable.” Essentially, he was making the point that what is permissible may not necessarily be beneficial. That’s what I mean about choosing what is best. Waiting for marriage is what is best, and it’s what God intended for us. Any other choice simply borrows against future blessings. Isn’t faithfulness the most beautiful gift we could give to someone we truly love and want to spend the rest of our lives with. True faithfulness begins long before marriage, it begins in adolescence. Anything less is simply that: less.

One more subject remains to be covered at this juncture. I have herein preached about what is right and what is best, but I have left out one very important group of people. For there are many of us who have already compromised and made choices in this area which fell short of those I so vehemently advocate. To those who have previously swerved from the much-vaunted narrow path these words will seem as judgment and condemnation. Yet all is not lost for, while the past is beyond repair, it is forgivable and the future still belongs to you. Whoever you are, wherever you are along your journey, you can draw a line in the sand right now and choose to do the right thing, the best thing, and there is still great honor in such courageous choices. If you have already compromised your purity, or are doing so at this time, you can still take the higher road from now on and find your place in the fold of faithfulness. The beautiful thing about life is that it’s never too late to do the right thing. God meets us right where we are and a future spouse should also respect such a change of heart as well. I can ask no more, God can ask no more, than that we each give the best that we have. If you’re in this position right now, your choice is not liable to be well received by your partner, which will be evidence that you’re relationship was based upon something other than true love. Stand by your higher calling. Let your allegiance be to God, and to that future someone who will marry you and truly be your forever. The path of moral purity, even embarked upon mid-journey, has a way of healing us over time.

I think, perhaps, I have said enough for today. Let me close by stating that this gift of purity I have spoken of is not only a gift we can give to a future spouse, it is also a gift we can give to ourselves. It’s about respecting ourselves and being unwilling to erode our own character and the inherent value of our hearts and minds. It is an investment in the future which promises blessings we cannot begin to imagine. Cherish that gift in hopes that someone else, perhaps someone you have never even met, might already love you enough to do the same.

The Gift
No amount of money, nor words of eloquence
Can take back what was given in our ignorance or haste
There is no substitute for chastity or simple innocence
Commodities so easily forgotten and defaced
And for what, what noble purpose could be found for their demise
What value could be gained by what so easily is lost
In the end it serves no master but the lie of compromise
An end so often overlooked by those who pay the cost
So much wisdom lies in hindsight, though wisdom dearly bought
By those who made their choices ‘ere they understood the price
Of surrendering too hastily in battles better fought
When the only real victory is won through sacrifice
Indeed, why wait, when everyone appears to bend the rules
While denying moral absolutes were ever set in stone
When the real heroes are so often made to play the fools
And those who choose to stand their ground often do so all alone
Yet, how sweet a prize awaits the few who do not fail or bend
Who choose the way of abstinence because they deem it right
And, in so doing, hold in trust a treasure for the end
Which will return a hundredfold once they have fought the fight
For those who save the gift of love bring honor to the one
On whose behalf they sacrificed in order to invest
A thing so rare and precious that when all is said and done
Its value would compound beyond what any could have guessed
Until the treasures and the trinkets of this world seem so pale
Compared to what the faithful ones had saved in their account
Which could never rust or tarnish, nor devaluate or fail
Paying dividends whose value would defy a mere amount
Yet who can offer such a gift? Indeed, a precious few
Who looked beyond each moment to another time and place
For which they proved their faithfulness, having boldly chosen to
Long years before they found the one or knew that one’s embrace
How can we teach a generation in a world such as this
To save what they want so to spend for what they cannot see
And reserve it for a person whom they cannot know or kiss
When the straight and narrow path is so obscured by liberty
If they could only look ahead, beyond the here and now
To understand the implications of the choices made today
Then the value of their abstinence might come to light somehow
And all would see the wisdom of the straight and narrow way
And see the rich reward in store for those who prudently
Remained faithful to the one they knew that they were chosen for
Who kept themselves as pure as they would wish their mate to be
Ever mindful of the future we can so easily ignore
Indeed, the one who wisely sows the seeds of sacrifice
Will reap the happiness so earned when all is said and done
And bring to love the gift which can’t be bought for any price
As an offering of love reserved for one, and only one
To wait is but to cherish what cannot be taken back
So we must gird our hearts and minds and choose how we will live
For lust can’t wait to get, and so continues its attack
Yet, love can wait until the time is right for love to give
By Frank Carpenter ©